• About
  • Portfolio

The Ugly Iowan

The Ugly Iowan

Category Archives: Maddie

On the Road

06 Wednesday Aug 2008

Posted by mnhanson in Dublin, Ireland, Jayne, Keenaugh, Kenmare, Kris, Lynne, Maddie, Meredith, Mom, Olivia, Roundstone

≈ Leave a Comment

July 26
At the Hill of Tara. Rath of the Synods and St. Patrick’s church. The Mound of Hostages in the Royal Enclosure. Cormacs House south of Royal Seat.
I’ve been with my parents for less than twelve hours, and I’ve already got a headache. They’ve got this retarded GPS system that doesn’t know where anything is. Instead of reading maps and signs, they rely on this crappy machine with a loud voice that orders them around. dad keeps turning on the windshield wipers instead of the turn signal.
The Hill of Tara was beautiful. I tried to talk to a man sitting there about the history of the place, but Dad pulled up next to me in the car and wanted to get to the airport to pick up Lynne. I wish I’d had more time there. The hill had more sheep shit than I’ve ever seen. And that’s the place where kings were crowned as early as 2,000 BC, maybe even before that.
At the Mill Bar bed and breakfast now – past Athlone. Nine-thirty and Lynne, Mom, and Dad still aren’t in bed. They’ve been awake for about 32 hours now. Probably more. We stopped to see Dominic’s aunt Maggie in Keenaugh on the way from Dublin to Athlone. She lives in a cottage that used to be the laundry house of a huge estate. In fact, she doesn’t actually have a house number for her address – it is simply, The Laundry. She was the one who was married to Uncle Mickey, who died about five years ago. Now she lives at the Laundry with just her two dogs. Behind the house is a canal where barges used to transport the Guinness out of Dublin. And the cottage still has its original doors. There’s a lot of history on that land. And still more sheep.
I have to write more on the Hill of Tara when I get to a computer that’s connected to the Internet. There were a lot of things that I didn’t know about it. I want to go back there someday. More driving tomorrow. I’ve got a book and a bag of apples.July 27
More on the Hill of Tara – 1798, Irish rebels used Tara as their stronghold because it was such a defensible position (as high ground tends to be), but they were defeated by British troops. The man in charge of the British troops sent three cartloads of whiskey up the road past the hill, knowing that the Irish rebels would intercept it, which they did. They subsequently became drunk – or, at least, not totally sober. The British troops were also more organized. It was a slaughter, as I understand.
We saw a monument to this event on the hill, but neither Dad or I knew what it was – it was all in Gaelic except the inscription on the back that told us the monument had been erected in 1922 by the IRA. Or was it 1936? I need the Internet, dammit.
The hill was also the site of a peace rally held by Daniel O’Connell – the rally demanded the repeal of the Act of the Union with Britain – the rally was in 1843. Then, from 1899 to 1901, these crazy British fuckers calling themselves descendants from one of the last tribes of Israel, tore the hill apart, without regard for the land’s history, searching for the Ark of the Covenant. Crazy fuckers.
Anyway, breakfast at 9am today. Then we headed out. Dad’s driving was better today, but still some close calls. We stopped in Adare for a few minutes to use a bathroom and dink around. There was a cool old church there dating back to the 1200s. I went inside and lit a candle for Father Conroy. I can’t find my glue stick to paste in the pamphlet I got. Later.
Then we went through Kilarny but didn’t stop, and on the way to Kenmare I insisted we stop at the Muckross Estate. It’s 2600 acres, I believe. The manor house was built in 1843 and we took a tour of that. Huge – Queen Victoria stayed there for a night once, but she’d informed the master and mistress of the house of her arrival six years prior. So the couple spent the next six years decorating the house in preparation for the Queen to arrive – they traveled great distances, to the Far East, to gather furniture. They also had furniture hand-crafted locally, new drapes, silk wallpaper that was hand-painted, a new driveway constructed, etc. Then, the day Vicky finally arrived, she came with her husband, Prince Albert, four of her nine children, 120 ladies in waiting, and 400 soldiers to serve as her personal body guards. The whole reason the owners of the house had been so keen to impress her was that they’d been hoping to be given the titles of Lord and Lady. However, two months after their visit, Albert died, and Queen Vicky went into eight years of mourning, during which time she declined to give out titles, large sums of money, etc. By the time she came out of mourning, the family (Herbert?) had gone bankrupt due to their inability to pay back the loans they’d taken out in order to prepare Muckross House for Queen Victoria’s visit. Sigh.
The house was lived in until 1933, when in was donated to the National Trust.
Speaking of the 1930s, we also checked out the traditional farm area on the Muckross Estate, where the National Trust keeps farms in operation exactly as they would have been in 1937, seventeen years before electricity came to the area. It was very cool. I drank milk straight from the cow, which, while warm, didn’t taste much different from the milk I buy at the store. Sweeter. We also had homemade soda bread with freshly churned butter. It was at least as good as anything they would have made in the kitchen of Muckross House, which was enormous and looked really cool.
By the way, “muck” means “pig” or “sow” and “ross” means “peninsula” – I think. The farms also had your standard cows and chickens and goats, ducks, horses, kitties, etc. They had examples of the poorest farm house, where there were two rooms and the kids would sleep six to a bed, and an example of a wealthy farmer’s house, which had four rooms excluding the kitchen and what looked like a common room. we had to rush back to get to our bed and breakfast at a reasonable hour. Didn’t get to see the Torc Waterfall.
On the way to Kenmare, the roads were terrifying. Rocks jutted out at the car and people came fast around the corners. Made me nervous for the Ring of Kerry tomorrow. Mom says she refuses to go with us. I’ll be sure to have plenty of cigarettes with me.
Tonight we’re sleeping at Annagry House in Kenmare, five minutes walk from the town center where we had dinner at a place called Foley’s. The beef and Guinness pie was delicious, though it could have been because I was starving – no lunch today. We all forgot to eat. The waiter was very nice – he even gave my parents a sackful of ice to take back to Annagry for their martinis. I’m staying in the room and drinking chamomile tea. So good. Next it’s time to read before bed. It’s ten after eleven and breakfast is at 8:30 tomorrow. Reading a short story collection by Sir William Trevor called “Cheating at Canasta.” It doesn’t say “sir” on the cover, but he has been knighted. I guess he’s not an arrogant prick.

July 28
Dingle – Murphy’s Pub
Had some good fish and chips and now we’re listening to a couple of guys play traditional Irish music. Guitar, bass, banjo, mandolin – I think that’s all. They’re singing songs I’ve heard but don’t really know.
We left Kenmare after stopping by the stone circle. Archaeologists think it’s about 3,000 years old. Fourteen stones make a circle and then there’s a large boulder in the center, mounted on three smaller stones, that marks a burial site. It’s great to be able to put your hands on something that’s been around for so long. One of the stones had a symbol on it called the Awen, which is a symbol with three rays expanding outward from top to bottom.
The ray on the far right represents male, and the ray on the far left represents female. The one in the center represents the balance of nature. I bought a ring before we left with a spiral that represents the sun and endless time.

I found a nice necklace for Olivia’s birthday present. She’ll be eight tomorrow. It’s a fairly simple Celtic cross. Mom bought a couple of nicer, more ornate ones for Kris and Meredith. Now I’m on the lookout for something with fairies for Jayne.
After checking out the local church, which was built in 1864 and had an awesome ceiling with woodwork made from materials imported from Brazil, we went to look at some of the lace samples from when Kenmare was widely known for its lace. Queen Victoria even commissioned some pieces for herself in 1885. Sister Mary Francis Clare started the industry (if it can really be called an “industry”) around the time of the Great Famine to employ local women. I tried to find a book about her, because she was a prolific writer and feminist, but there weren’t any at the Heritage center. She’s also known as the Nun of Kenmare. She later left the Catholic church and became a Protestant. In those days, I suppose no one just stopped attending church. But she was very critical of the Catholics until the end of her life, which came soon afterwards.
Then the drive to Dingle, which was awesome. We took a wrong turn – and when I say “we,” I mean Dad – and wound up on a back road that was barely wider than our car. It took us about twenty minutes to go a little over five miles, and we didn’t meet another car the whole time, thank god.
Stopped in Dingle Bay before we got to our B&B. On Inch Beach I waded in the ocean while everyone else sat in the car. It was overcast and a bit rainy, but it was beautiful. The waves were big enough for surfing. I love the sound of the waves crashing, and then the feeling of the sand coming out from under my feet as the tide sucks it back out. Worth the wet jeans and sandy feet.

It was nice enough to sit outside when we did get to the Baywatch B&B. We sat outside drinking whiskey and wine – with my Commie parents drinking gin – and talking with the owner, Tom, and some of the other guests. One was a woman from the County Down, and the other was a man who was born in Plymouth near Cornwall but is now an expat teaching at Queens College in the North. Both of them were quite interesting and gave me additional insight concerning the biolence and bad blood in the North. as a child, the woman’s school was bombed. There was also an Orange Hall near her home that was blown up repeatedly and rebuilt in the same place over and over because the government would give financial assistance to building owners who rebuilt after a bombing, provided that they rebuilt in the same place. This was to prevent people building somewhere – a shoddy building – expecting it or arranging for it to be bombed and then get government money to build a better building in a prime location.
Now it’s music time. These guys are maybe in their fifties, playing traditional songs for us tourists. They played “Grace” and “Fields of Athenrye” for us, which was nice. Dad and I might have hangovers.
July 29
Olivia is eight years old!!! I miss my little cabbage. One more week until I see her and Maddie, then a couple more days and we’re heading North.
My body totally crapped out on me today. It’s probably because I’ve been going tor almost two months now without any sort of break. I seem to recall a lot of sleepless nights and days full of coffee, cigarettes, and adrenaline. Today, I may go with Mom, Dad, and Lynne to see some archaeological sites and ruins. But I may also just want to sit on my ass, even though I got more than ten hours of sleep. Tonight will definitely not be a late night. Too bad our room at the Baywatch doesn’t have a bathtub – I’d be all over that shit, which a kettle of chamomile and a book. Yesterday I bought “The Feckin’ Book” full of Irish slang, insults, quotations, recipes, etc. There seem to be an awful lot of ways to say “she’s ugly.” I’m starting to notice a pattern here…

Went to a small museum about 20 minutes west of Dingle. They had the skeleton of a cave bear, which became extinct 200,000 years ago and a head that belonged to a bull mammoth. The bear had a sign that said not to touch it, but the mammoth didn’t, so I touched its giant tusks. They had some kind of smelly black stuff on them, probably to protect them from the oil on people’s hands. The bull is named “Millie” for some reason. Also saw lots of artifacts from all over Europe and ranging from the neolithic period to the Bronze Age.
We also stopped at the Dunbey promontory fort that was built in the Iron Age (after the Bronze Age, from 500 BC to 500 AD).
Most of its Western half has fallen into the sea. There’s an old clochann on the site, which is a Beehive-shaped building. Down the road, there was another bunch of beehive dwellings, which is thought to be the remains of a single family farm. Again, everyone waited in the car while I went to look at them. Probably for the best – the path up was steep and the rain had been so heavy earlier that day that there was a lot of water draining down the path – enough to constitute a small stream. My feet got pretty wet, but it was definitely worth it when I got there. The site has been pretty well preserved, and I was able to go inside some of the Beehives.
I stood in one of them that didn’t have a capstone on it, so there was a hole in the top. Still, it was relatively dry. The thing was built using a method called “corbelling,” which means the stones were tilted downward and outward to shed water. I stood there quietly for a few minutes and listened to the rain hitting the rocks and dripping through the cracks. I could hear the sheep grazing outside. The site is called Cahon Conor – Cathair na gConchuireach in Irish – and was probably built around 1000 BC, though they were being built somewhere between 4000 BC and 2000 BC, archaeologists are still arguing about it. The site had a great view of the ocean. I could just imagine it the way it was.
Also along the hills today were famine cottages – rural homes that were left to crumble after their residents starved to death or fled during the Great Famine. Every morning in the towns and cities, there would be the bodies of country people who had wandered into town in search of food but died during the night.
We were going to drive the rest of the way around the Dingle peninsula, but about 200 meters down the road from the beehives, a river had formed across the road from all of the rainwater rushing down the hill. We turned around and came back to Dingle. After some bad deli food from the SuperValue, I’m about ready for bed. It’s not even 8pm, but I don’t care. I’m feeling shattered. I’ll read some of “The Feckin’ Book” and then get to bed. Today I got another book called “Bibeanna: Memories from a Corner of Ireland.” Twenty-five women from the Dingle area talk about their lives and how New Ireland has replaced the poverty and pre-modern Ireland that’s gone forever. It’s in English and Irish, so maybe I can learn some more Irish words.
Three in the afternoon in Iowa. I wonder if Olivia is getting ready for her birthday party, or maybe it’s just winding down.

July 30
Roundstone. There’s a church outside the town with a graveyard like I’ve never seen. It’s essentially a bog, and people seem to have been buried pretty haphazardly. Because the cemetery is in a bog, most of the grave stones have crumbled and sunk into the ground over time – the oldest intact stone was from the 1890s. Sheep everywhere again. I try to “maa” and make them think I’m one of them, but they seem to know I’m mocking them. Sometimes a group of sheep will stare at me from a few meters away and I think they’re plotting my death.
Mostly just driving today. Scenic overlooks and such. Tonight we’re staying at the St. Joseph’s Bed and Breakfast in Roundstone. Great view of the harbor from here.
The owner, Christine, takes pretty good care of the place – clean, cozy rooms in a great location. The only thing the room is missing is a bathtub. For the first time in years I fel like taking a bath, and there isn’t one. Oh well. Most people take showers these days, I guess.
Getting up at 8am tomorrow to go to the Aran Islands – well, just one: Inismore. It’s supposed to take all day. So excited. Tonight I’ll read “Scientific American Mind” and get to bed by midnight. And listening to the Beatles. And drinking tea.

Share this:

  • More

Like this:

Like Loading...

What’s the Worst that Could Happen?

10 Thursday Jul 2008

Posted by mnhanson in Dublin, Haplin, Iowa City, Ireland, Irish Writing Program, July 4, Maddie, Morrissey, Olivia, Poetry

≈ Leave a Comment

July 2
Inexplicably tired today. Will have to try and get to bed early.
Mary Morrissy’s story, “Gracefully, Not Too Fast,” choked me up. First, when Ruth, the main character, is outshined by Bridget, and again when Ruth learns that Bridget can’t read and decides not to help her, causing Bridget to run away from her singing lessons, possibly giving up her natural talent for singing forever. Now I’m really excited to have Morrissy as my instructor. Her writing is powerful, but it seems so effortless.
Aiden Mathews – Dr. Haplin had him as a student in early 1970s. Look for his anthology of short stories circa 1990. “Barber-Surgeons” was pretty intense.
Almost 11am – will have lunch at noon with Janice Perkins. She’s here today, and it’s her first time in Ireland. She’s looking around and watching us pick apart Morrissy’s story without any facial expression. I wonder what she’s thinking.
Everyone in class seems to be sick. More tea and sandwiches for me! I do have a little bit of a scratchy throat, but it’s probably because I slept with my window open last night and it got cold – plus, I had some whiskey last night before I went to bed, and whiskey always makes me want to smoke a lot. Monday and Tuesday were both very stressful. No one’s come to fix our washing machine. I’m down to my last two pairs of socks and underwear. It’s been more than a week since we reported it.
Elizabeth Bowen’s rules for dialogue: Brief, add to present knowldge, eliminate the routine in conversation (the ordinary, boring stuff, but sometimes things can seem ordinary while they’re really important to characterization – not sure I agree with all of this), convey the spontaneous, keep the story moving forward, reveal the nature of the character, show relationships between people.
Haplin told us that, prior to 1990, when filmmakers wanted to film in an area reminiscent of London post-blitz, they came to Dublin to film those scenes. “The Commitments” – Filmed in 1980s; Gabriel Byrne shoed it to his students and they asked him if there’s been a war going on then. That poor bastard’s jaw must have dropped to the floor. I hope these weren’t college kids. They probably were. It’s stopped shocking me when college kids say things that stupify Madeleine.
July 3
FUCK. Headache, sore throat, slight fever, cough.
At the Carmelite Church on Whitefriar. Churches are supposed to be quiet places, but they never are. There’s always someone talking or wearing clunky shoes or people refilling the candle boxes as if they’re working in a quarry. They dump the candles in like they’re dumping stones into a cart.
A man came in with his toddler to light a candle in front of St. Anthony, who is the Saint of miracles. Or so the plaque told me. Cute kid. I wondered what miracle they were asking for. The kid seemed happy enough, and his babbling echoed through the whole place.
I figured that as long as I was here I should light candles for Jo and Sue, since they were both Catholics, and even though this is a Carmelite church, I’m pretty sure they have something to do with the Catholics, so it’s close enough. I wasn’t sure which Saint to go to for dead people, so I just lit them in front of baby Jesus. Apparently, the child Jesus and adult Jesus are two different people. I guess that makes sense, though.
St. Anne – Mary’s mother. She’s standing over child Mary with her hands on Mary’s shoulders, like a protective mother. St. Albert – not sure what his deal is. Google! Ditto for Our Lady of Fatima. She looks an awful lot like the Virgin Mary.
The stained glass in this place is gorgeous. Wish I would have brought my camera so Jayne could see these windows. I’ll have to ask her how they can be so detailed.
Ten minutes of silence for class assignment.

Peter’s Pub is out of soup. I am sad. Stuck with sandwiches and tea. My blood sugar is so low I th ink I might pass out. Thank you, China, for the wonders of tea.
Tomorrow I’ll stop by Waterstones and see if my books are in. Then I have to go price tattoos. I’ll have to ask Fintan again what the name of that studio was. I wonder if would be overpriced around Grafton or if this is the best place for it. I haven’t quite figured out yet if Grafton is a tourist area or not. I suppose I could ask someone, but I would feel kind of silly. It’s certainly not as touristy as Temple Bar, at least.
The bar tenders at Peter’s are sweet. I think they can tell I’m sick because they keep asking me if I need anything else and if I’m doing all right. The regulars keep stopping down at this end of the bar to talk with them. The younger one says he just got back from Prague and was also in Berlin. Sounds like he had a wild time. Prague is definitely on my list of places to go before I die. I’ve been talking to some of the kids who are taking weekend trips to other European cities, but I’ve decided that I’d rather absorb as much of Ireland as possible. If I’m going to be in Amsterdam or Prague or Zurich, I’m going to want to spend a lot of time there, not just a weekend. I’m already wishing I could spend more time here. If I were in one of the flats closer to the city centre, or at least somewhere other than out in Yuppie Central, I don’t think I would ever want to leave.
As soon as I get home, I’m going to get into my pajamas and stay in them for twenty hours.
I think I’m going to write about Our Lady of Fatima. It’s definitely the coolest story. Three Portuguese kids supposedly saw the Virgin Mary out in a field somewhere, and the Virgin told them three secrets that they weren’t supposed to reveal until much later (this all happened in 1917). At one point, they were jailed and city officials threatened them with violence if they wouldn’t tell the secrets – one of them even said that he would boil the children alive one by one if they didn’t tell him the secrets, but the kids never said a word. That’s pretty fucking hardcore.
I stopped at the chemist and stocked up on cold medicine. I got aspirin, throat spray, and some cough syrup with codeine phosphate – just like that stuff my doctor always used to prescribe when I got respiratory infections. It even tastes the same. Also, I made a sad face and the lady behind the counter gave me a lollypop. Drugs and candy – best sick day ever!

July 4
Sick on the fourth. No hotdogs and beer for me. Sad.

July 8
It’s so very odd – I thought that people in the U.S. were supposed to be the most image-conscious, but since I’ve been here – I don’t remember the last time I’ve been so emotionally exhausted, trying like hell to maintain my self-esteem. What the hell is wrong with people? Last night, a guy at Doyle’s actually asked me if I was jealous of my friends, if I wish I was prettier. Then all of his friends started to laugh at me and make fun of me. I haven’t had anyone gang up on me like that since middle school. It was very weird. And it’s always the guys who don’t have anything to be proud of in the looks department. I think they pick on me because they’re miserable, pathetic creatures who will go through life missing the point completely, and then they’ll die miserable, pathetic creatures.
I never thought I’d say this, but I actually miss the guys in Iowa City. Compared to the men in Dublin, they’re sweet as pie. Maybe the Dubs are extra mean to me because I’m icky AND from the US. People do seem to think that people in the US are all pretty because of the pop culture we export – television and movies – and they seem to be offended when we don’t live up to that standard of beauty – resentful, even. As if I’m refusing to be attractive on purpose just to spite them. Ha! That’s actually a really funny idea – can’t stop giggling. People are looking at me.

July 9
I sent Dan Savage an email last night about how this shit is all piling up and I’m starting to lose my cool, and he sent me a nice one back reminding me how stupid and insecure men are in their 20s. They do tend to behave like 13-year-old girls. It made me feel a lot better.
Mom sent me a picture of the girls holding up pictures that said, “Hi, Mel!” Olivia says now that the best way to clear one’s mind and get new ideas is to hang up-side-down while sucking on a wedge of lemon.

Eight Answers to Eight Questions:
Marriage is obsolete. Love is real. I don’t know if I believe in God, but I definitely believe in nature. Homosexuality is one of nature’s methods of population control, so it benefits mankind and every other lifeform on earth. Men are okay – they don’t grow up fast enough for my taste. Women are okay, too – they’re probably just as retarded as men, but it’s not as noticeable because they’re not as loud and obnoxious – it seems like fewer of them insist that everyone hear their opinion about everything (Anne Coulter doesn’t count because she’s so rigid that her vagina has collapsed and fused shut). Children are great – it’s their parents who are unbearable. Free will is all we really have.

Stone archways down the line
In rows, touching each other
over running water with
tiny, tiny fish that are made up of
Less than 100 cells, palm trees, and fireworks.
They lay eggs and we eat them.
We wish we could eat the archways.
We wish we would drink the river
Until there is nothing left but mud.

When I’m this tired, it’s like I’m on drugs. But I can’t sleep when my stomach is cramping so, so bad. I can feel it in my knees and in my calves and the joints of my toes. I’m bloated – even my fingers feel fat. I’m going to make a bad first impression for Mary’s class.
I think Gary and Kevin are heterosexual life mates now.
I want to write a poem about bacon.
Cormac McCarthy – sounds familiar. The Road. Blood Meridian is about the Western United States.

Cill Aodain: As translated by someone who doesn’t read Gaelic

A nose taught an errand boy and lag the dull dog moon,
A star is not frail bridal ardor me mine shall,
Or cheer me in cream not stop far my choice,

Go seafaring my sons in large Chianti mouths.

I glare Chlorine mung bees and chad ocre
Is my dance to be three tusks me age old;

Go, Colette, munch radishes, go dead cuisinart mesa Anne

I bogus did hail Beatles and the moor.

O, Fagin, the hatchet to go – error in my crochet

Sea errors and ghost no seascapes in ice,
Nor swimming or cheers not in galling to those

Are scathing a mile nor fingers munch.

Still Android and dance go barter hatch bread,

To Samara’s and measles gouache sort,
My dad been see him shave I cart my daisy

The meadow and eyes dim have been in good.

I miss this kid, too:

Share this:

  • More

Like this:

Like Loading...

Dublin Buses Are Enormous

25 Wednesday Jun 2008

Posted by mnhanson in Dublin, Grandma All, Howth, Ireland, Irish Writing Program, Jayne, Kris, Maddie, Martin Roper, Olivia, Suzanne Gold

≈ Leave a Comment

I told people I would keep a blog while I’m here. So I’m going to try it. So here we go.

June 14
Walked around the city centre today. There are so many beautiful buildings and streets, but somebody thought it would be a good idea to erect a giant, steel stiletto right off the O’Connell bridge in honor of the millennium. So there are old brick houses that have been there for over one hundred years on stone streets where James Joyce, Oscar Wilde, Beckett, O’Casey, etc., etc., lived and worked and walked and wrote about, and then, looking completely out of place, someone managed to insert an enormous monument to the phallus that actually looks dumber than the Washington Monument. It makes me sad. The tower that was there before was very cool. Danielle showed me a picture of it on her laptop – it was a big, stone column called Nelson’s Pillar that the IRA bombed in the 60s because… they like to blow shit up? The Pillar was supposed to be controversial in its own day, too, though, which makes me wonder if one hundred years from now, people will think of it as an irreplaceable part of the city’s landscape. I think it’s official name is the Spire of Dublin, but Martin said it’s also known as the Stiffy on the Liffey, which I prefer.

June 16
Today is Bloomsday, though you can’t tell down here near the Institute for International Education of Students (IES) building on the Liffey at 8:45 in the morning. News from Iowa says that the sandbag levees have broken. Hopefully they were successful in cleaning out the art museum. Materials in the library should be fine. Also, the river has apparently crested at Cedar Rapids. I’ve heard people here talking about it now and again. I’ve tried to gain sympathy/free Guinness by letting the locals know that my university is underwater and my neighborhood has been evacuated, but so far no dice.
Sitting in front of Portobello College, now. Had our very first official class, and later we’re meeting with our drama teacher. We don’t start actually workshopping until sometime next week. It appears that this program is going to be just as intensive as everyone says. I hope I still have plenty of time to let myself become absorbed into the population. I’ve been in contact with Patch about some cool places to hang out.
The walking tour on Saturday was nice, too. Our tour guide was also a writer, and we bonded over a mutual love of Guinness and Jameson. He also explained some of the other rules of cricket that I’ve never understood, but I forgot to ask him about pelota. I hear it’s only played in rural Ireland anymore. I’m not even sure I’m spelling it right. At lunch after the walking tour, Martin told me that he wants to keep a journal entry cataloging the weird things that I say, though I’m not exactly sure which weird things he was talking about – good weird things? He also wants us to write our own journals about our experiences here. Could be good to send to Grandma – with a few edits, of course, but I’m sure she’d love to hear how I am enjoying her own grandmother’s homeland. I should also drop off her post card at the post office today, along with the ones for my nieces and for Jayne.

June 17
At International on Wicklow Street. Martin Roper’s sister’s fella bartends or manages this place, or something like that. Everyone is staring at the soccer match on TV. I asked for a Guinness and the bartender asked me twice if I needed two. I guess single girls don’t come here often. Waiting on the rest of the group. I think they’re lost.
There’s an awful lot of woodwork in this bar. Low stools around the tables, copper pots with handles hanging over the alcove where the cash register is. I wonder what used to be there. There are barrels in the wall behind the bar that maybe used to dispense whiskey? Or beer. Or both. Mirrors and a clock in the center that doesn’t work.
Shoibhan was right about the Irish men; they stay clear of me unless they’re drunk. This guy says, “I hate you people.”
“Writers?” I asked, as I was writing in my journal at the time.
“Americans,” he said, like I’m the idiot.
Then he went on some tirade about me being rich and spoiled and lazy. I told him I thought he was confusing television with reality, but I should have just stayed quiet, which I figured out immediately after he started in again, this time pretty much repeating what he’d said before, but faster and angrier. I couldn’t really understand him because of his slur and accent combined, but I did catch a few unoriginal insults before the bar tender kicked him out, then apologized to me as if it was his own fault. Much nicer than at home, where the bar tender would have watched with a blank stare while I was accosted. Who would guess I’d meet an Irishman who couldn’t hold his liquor to the point that he’s drunk at 9:30 in the evening?
Every time I glance up at the television, there’s something strange on, like a pop-eyed puppet with a huge shock of red hair. Or people in nice suits who look like newscasters sitting next to people in brightly colored woolen hats and sweaters and both of them are making silly faces at each other.

June 18
The Winding Stair is the name of the bookstore that Shoibhan’s friend owns – over the Ha’Penny Bridge. Must get the following: Dislocation: Stories from a New Ireland, Seamus Dean’s Reading in the Dark.
John Swift was kind of a dick, I guess. Promoting the superiority of the English/Anglo-Irish? I still notice this, actually – people not recognizing individuality and assuming that the location of one’s birth automatically means that one embraces the values and culture of that place. Or perhaps it’s thought of in a racial context, but that’s just as ridiculous.
I learned that if I mimic the Irish intonation when asking for a drink, or anything else, in a loud, crowded place, I don’t have to repeat myself two or three times to make myself understood. I asked one of the fellas I met last night what our accent sounds like, which is one of my favorite questions. I never actually got his answer, because he wasn’t quite sure what I was asking him. I’ve decided that the Dublin accent makes me think of fairie tales; it’s very comforting. People from Southwestern Ireland sound like pirates – yaarrr!
Apparently, they don’t know where the disease came from that caused the potato famine. 1840s – 1860s; population of 8 mil. on the island, dropped to 4 mil. by the end of the famine; millions either emigrated or starved to death.
I feel endless joy when I walk around this city and remember that it was founded by the Vikings.
June 19
The Winding Stair is a nice little bookstore – across the Ha’Penny Bridge on the North side, turn left, and it’s across the street from the Liffey – though I couldn’t find everything I needed there. I found Flann O’Brien and Seamus Deane, but no Margaret Atwood or Dislocation. Reagan, the man who owns the place, chided me for carrying too many bags, but it’s difficult when I have to make several stops and travel for miles. I’ll have to stop at Hodges and Figgis again, then I have to get more eggs and breakfast sausages. I can’t wait to read Flann O’Brien. He sounds like the type of author that I appreciate most; morbid humorist, satirist, and if he has a love for killing off his characters, I might just cream my jeans.
I brought my camera with me on this walk, but so far I haven’t felt compelled to pull it out. Not sure why. I think it’s because I’m still uncomfortable with being seen as an obvious tourist and foreigner. I recently read an article called, “Top 5 Reasons We Hate Tourists” and it seemed pretty accurate. For an international hub, there are a lot of people who are intolerant of those who hail from other countries. Maybe it’s because no one used to come here until their economy started to boom. I would also find that irritating, I guess. People are more like vultures than they like to believe. The wealthy probably come here for their vacations, buy crap from the street vendors, hassle the locals, then move on to the next fashionable spot – is it Milan? Zurich? I’m not sure, though I do know that if I were ever to go on a European vacation, it would be to Spain. It’s the California of Europe, to paraphrase J.G. Ballard.
Cathach Books is a rare book shop off Dawson St., on the North side of Duke St. I went in there and handled some books signed by Samuel Beckett and Joyce and Heeney. I think the boy behind the counter knew what I was doing and that I couldn’t actually afford to buy any of the books, but he didn’t say anything.
Neither Hodges and Figgis or Waterstone had the books I needed, so I had to order them.
It’s starting to get chilly and rain. Now I’m sitting at a coffee shop called West Coast Coffee and is across the street from the rare bookstore. It’s nice because it’s much less crowded, and there is no one staring me down and babbling in French.
The police here are so much better than the sadists in the US. They are actually helpful, and they don’t automatically treat you like a criminal the second they lay eyes on you. They call them the garda here, and though I’ve always had a thing for men who have to wear special clothes to go to work, today was the first time I ever saw a policeman who I found attractive. Not in the type of way that I’d be willing to follow him around and break a few laws just to get him to talk to me, but it is refreshing to know that just because a man has a badge and carries a weapon doesn’t mean he’s automatically a prick. They can actually be intelligent and charming. Who knew?

June 21
Woke up this morning planning to go to the Temple Bar food and book market, but when I looked out the window and saw all of the blowing rain, I decided I’d rather wait until tomorrow. So I rolled over and went back to bed.
Ilse’s birthday is today. Suzanne and her other roommates are planning a surprise taco party, but I don’t know what time it is.

On the Luas. Pierce and John are apparently keeping Ilse occupied while the taco party is being prepared, and they’re having trouble. So I’m going over to Doyle’s to order a Guinness and drink it very, very slowly. Doyle’s is right next to Trinity College. Pretty small and low-key. I haven’t been there, yet, but the others have. I imagine that on a Saturday in the early evening it should be pretty quiet. Quarter Finals are today.

Taco party was a success. They even made their own guacamole. It was delicious. I brought Ilse some cider and had some myself – it was orange and fizzy like Squirt. Now everyone is out at the pubs, but I decided to call it a night to get some writing done. Still haven’t finished my assignment, and I can’t get much good work done with a hangover. Not that it’s good work, anyway.
At Doyle’s, a man came up to our table and asked us if the Guinness there was any good. I told him we were from the United States and didn’t know the difference between good Guinness and bad Guinness. Apparently, the Guinness at Doyle’s is bad. He told us to go around the corner to a place called Mulligan’s. I will have to try it. It’s nice when people are helpful and don’t treat us like shit because our great leader can barely put a sentence together.
Missed the Quarter Finals. Rugby was on at Doyle’s and we were trying to describe the scrum to Ilse, but none of us is actually familiar enough with rugby to properly explain it to anyone else. It looks goddamn painful. There’s nothing more arousing than watching grown men beat the piss out of each other.
Roommate is watching “Sex and the City.” It’s agonizingly boring no matter what time zone one is in.

June 22
Didn’t go to Temple Bar again. High winds and rain. One or the other would be fine, but both means that my umbrella probably wouldn’t last long. I did need food, though, so I had to wait until around one in the afternoon to make the trek to Tesco. I was out of milk and cheese. Also got pasta, chicken, laundry det., etc. Got up to the counter, and the machine wouldn’t read either of my cards. So the man who was checking me out told me to go to the ATM. Waited in line for about ten minutes, waited for the machine to process my card, finally got back to the line and there was another man there, who asked me, “Are these things yours?” in a very accusatory voice. I would have thought that the other guy would have explained it to him. So I told him the story, and he checked me out without looking at me or saying anything else. It was odd. I couldn’t figure out if I had done something wrong or if the new guy was just a douchebag.
Braved the winds to get home, then had some bread and cheese while I settled in to do homework. Only four pages done on the assignment. At least two more to go.
Rommate Chrissy just got back from Cork. I asked her if the horny old man held her up-side-down to kiss the Blarney stone, and that was an affirmative. Too bad she missed the massive nude photo shoot at Blarney Castle. I may not be very comfortable with my body, but I’d tear my clothes off in a second to be part of an enormous naked photo shoot at Blarney Castle. Woohoo! Spring Break!
I should make plans to go to Howth. Patch said it was his favorite trip. Roommate Danielle went there this weekend. The highlight was the National Transport Museum, which is essentially a barn full of old vehicles. She said she was the only one there.
Tonight, orange-pepper chicken for dinner and baked potato. Must also send email to Grandma. Kris emailed me and said that Madeleine and Olivia got their postcards. I sent Olivia one with a happy-looking pony and Madeleine one with a picture of a pint of Guinness and a plate of what appear to be oysters that read, “Traditional Irish Breakfast.” Haven’t a clue where that came from, but whatever. The next one I’m sending has a photo of a set of statues commemorating the potato famine. They’re all of people who look exactly like skeletons and who appear to be carrying what belongings they can as if they’re going to a boat to flee the country. The statues are so lifelike that it’s easy to pretend they’re actual people – that there were people who looked exactly like that in Dublin in the 1850s. Would be a good lesson for a couple of kids who always seem to be complaining about the food on their plates.
The washing machine hates me.

Share this:

  • More

Like this:

Like Loading...

Archives

Tweet

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Cloud!

Authors AWP Books Chicago Conferences Dublin Essay Fiction Film Flash Fiction Food Grandma All Haiku Haplin History Holidays Howth Image Iowa City Iowa Writers Workshop Ireland Irish Writing Program James Kennedy Jayne JFK Johnny Depp John Steinbeck July 4 Keenaugh Kenmare Kris Lewis Black Limerick Lynne Maddie Mag Mile Martin Roper Matt C McSweeney's Meredith Mia Gallagher Michigan Avenue Mom Morrissey Museum of Science and Industry Nadia NATO Neil Gaiman New York City Non-fiction Obama Olivia Overheard Paul Newman Philosophy Poetry Protest Publications Reading Reading List Red Eye Review Roddy Doyle Roundstone SAIC Sam Sam Becker Building Scholarship school School of the Art Institute of Chicago Scientific American Scientific American Mind sex S Kolman Sligo Snow solstice Spencer Spring Break St. Paul Stanley cup Super Bowl Suzanne Gold Thanksgiving The Big Lebowski the L the Loop The Post Mortems Tim Burton travel Twin Cities Uncategorized University of Chicago University of Iowa video VS Wedding Wells Fargo Yeats
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Blog at WordPress.com. Theme: Chateau by Ignacio Ricci.

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.
%d bloggers like this: